how to defend against parental alienation



Preventing parental alienation

Identify the signs

Parental alienation is a complex psychological dynamic that can occur in divorce cases and other family legal disputes. Involving a child in such situations can be emotionally taxing, but it’s important to be alert for the signs of parental alienation, as this kind of problem can seriously damage the parent-child relationship if left unaddressed.

Here are some signs of potential alienation:

    • The child displays strong resistance to spending time with the alienated parent


    • The child makes negative statements or claims about the other parent without any clear basis


    • The child follows the other parent’s lead without considering individual feelings or thoughts


    • The child quickly refuses contact with the other parent


    • The child has a strong emotional reaction when it’s time to see the other parent


Don’t badmouth

One of the most common and damaging behaviors of an alienating parent is badmouthing the other parent in front of the child. It’s important to avoid this kind of behavior and never denigrate or speak badly about the other parent. Children shouldn’t be exposed to negativity about either parent, and it’s essential to maintain respect for the other person, even if your own feelings are hurt.

Encourage meaningful communication

When parental alienation occurs, communication between the two parents stops and conflicts increase. In cases where alienation is occurring, making an effort to have meaningful conversations with the other parent and demonstrating respectful behavior is key. Children learn by example and they need to observe healthy communication, instead of hostility, to build and maintain strong relationships.

Give them choices

When an alienating parent sets rigid limits on the child’s interactions with the other, it can increase the child’s feeling of being in limbo. Offering the child choices of when, where and how to interact with the other parent can help to give them some autonomy and agency and make them feel more in control of the situation.

Seek help

If the other parent continues to exhibit behaviors that seem designed to deliberately turn the child against you, it is important to seek help. If the alienation is due to a court order or there’s potential for one parent to gain a legal advantage, look for a family court advocate or attorney to help you navigate the legal system. If the alienation seems due to psychological or emotional problems, a counselor or psychologist can be of great help.


Parental alienation is a serious problem that can have long-lasting effects on both the child and the non-alienating parent. It’s important to be vigilant for the signs of parental alienation and take immediate steps to address the problem. By understanding the issue and the potential solutions, you can help ensure a strong, healthy relationship between the child and all of their parents.